How I broke down my business to build it back up

Before I get into the Breakdown™, here’s where I started:

I started marketing my work online right before the pandemic. I kept what freelance I could while I found a few clients, and assumed my client base would only build over time — not plateau and dry up as the world opened back up and people lost interest in running online businesses. 

I also started with a very specific niche (witches), and only wanted high-level clients after coming out of freelancing for premium and luxury brands. But the agencies hiring me for freelance were working with multi-5 to -6 figure budgets per project, and even though I only saw a small portion of that — it was still usually mid-4 figures. $5k months were the norm for me. I didn’t yet realize that with small businesses, finding someone with mid-4 figures for a rebrand is a whole different game. 

Three years later, things broke down. Obviously, in hindsight. 

I had a not-burnout-unrelated depressive episode this winter, which led me to throw out all but the bare-minimum effort parts of my business. Including those 4-figure packages. That amount of work felt SO overwhelming to me. (That’s how Intuitive Brand Kits were born: a $500 mini-rebrand that only takes me 8ish hours, which I can spread out across a full week if I need to. If you want them back, make some noise!)

What this Breakdown™ gave me: I finally forgave myself for “not showing up,” “letting myself go,” “letting people down,” even so-called little things like “missing appointments,” and all of the judgement I had towards myself and other people who succumbed to losing the control I could only hold onto through self-effacing and harmful coping mechanisms. 

Now that I have experienced and KNOW to be true that being too tired to work for a week, or having a $0 month, IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD — now that I am able to forgive myself for inevitably fluctuating or fucking up sometimes — I’m free to try again. 

Thankfully, this spring has me back on track with my energy, and now I am in the new problem: rebuilding. As work picks back up, I remember all of the previous structures I completely leveled this winter (daily routines, time blocking, standard service packages, automations) and now see that in order to avoid ending up with a ton of extra shit I don’t need and the pressure that comes with it (again), I need to figure it out in practice. 

I only made it to rebuilding in the first place because I hit rock bottom with my income. I had to take projects I would have immediately turned down last year. Yes, I will design a $500 postcard. Yes, I will give you a $250/month payment plan (if I trust you!) Yes, we can work out a trade. Yes, I will stretch out a project that I wish I could deep-dive into and complete quickly, so you can make monthly payments instead of paying in full. Yes, I will cut a deal for family. I will take the money that is available to me. I will receive whatever connections and goodwill I can generate right now, because I need them. 

I had to get really specific about my boundaries — which ones were necessary (I will not give you extra revisions for free) and which were more about my own comfort and vanity (I used to not accept projects or even minimum payments under $1000). 

When I was working for companies I didn’t care for, it was very easy to charge them huge fuck-you rates and stand my ground if they didn’t like it. Now that I mainly work with clients I truly enjoy, whose work I believe in, and who have become amazing friends, it feels much better to be flexible when I can and reserve firmness for what actually matters.  

Thankfully, many of the connections and good-faith exceptions I’ve made are now coming back to me. Showing up on social media and in follow-up and thank you emails is doing its work, however inconsistent I might be about it. As hopeless as I was earlier this year, I made a point to show up when I could and when I wanted to, and it has begun to pay off. 

Now, I’m busy, and a little scattered. I’m THRILLED to be busy again — and with the kind of small, weird, piecemeal projects that used to drive me crazy. I’m happy just to be making work for people again, and to get paid what I can. This is what has been most important to rebuilding so far: getting very clear about what actually benefits me, emotionally and financially, and what doesn’t — not just chasing my *idea* of what I want, without proof that it will support me. 

Once I do have a generally consistent monthly income from again, whether from Swail Studio or from somewhere else, THEN I will niche back down. THEN I will reassess my rates, and what kind of work I’m willing to take on. These exclusivity marketing tools are just that — they are meant to LIMIT the amount of work you get to ONLY the type of work and level of compensation you want. They are best employed AFTER you’re already busy, not as a starting point. 

AND THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE SELLING MARKETING ADVICE WON’T TELL YOU. (Still love my business coaches though!)

Even if you’re not versed in the marketing and productivity speak (damn, how did you get this far??) my point is: once I opened up how I was available to work, the kind of work I thought I wanted, and detangled my hard boundaries from systems that made things unnecessarily hard for my clients and myself... work is beginning to flow again.  

So, if you want to work together… there isn’t a sales page anymore. There isn’t a services menu to point you to. Fill out the contact form on my website, tell me what YOU need, and we’ll go from there. We’ll meet, I’ll do my best to be fair and transparent with my pricing, and give you an old-fashioned custom quote. 

I hope this story, a map drawn in hindsight, is helpful to anyone who also finds themselves despairing or unsure where their business is going In These Times. Consider me open for commiseration, and maybe a pep talk if I’m having a really good day. Take care out there.